It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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