you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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