I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
