How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
