nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
