This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
