Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
