the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
