How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
