i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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