How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
