my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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