I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
