Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize