WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Rumble strips road head = magical
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
