making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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