In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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