Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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