Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
