Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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