im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
