just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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