just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
