dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
