I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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