I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
