There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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