i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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