Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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