PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
