I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
