He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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