you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
