Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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