I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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