Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
