Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
