you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm like, not good at living.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
