Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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