considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
