I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
