My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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