I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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