i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize