I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
