Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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