Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
