I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
