It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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