i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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