never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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