i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
