dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I am naked and annoyed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
