did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
