i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
