We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
