Where did you get a picture of my penis
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
