But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
