Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
