I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
