It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
