well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
A bitchslap is in order.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
