Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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