So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
