you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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