You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
