I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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