There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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