you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
