Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
