he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
