At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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