Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
