I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
wanna go halves on a baby?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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