I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
