i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
